Earth, Relocated
In 2026 Elon Musk’s Mars division finally made a breakthrough on the planet that looks like Nevada. Underground they found some kind of snot colony. Like the boogers on your child’s desk, except in a magnitude times one million.
So he brought a sample back to Earth and they researched it in a lab. But there was a guy working in the lab named Bryan who took a sample home to try to impress his girlfriend. However, they happened to get in a fight that night so she threw the Martian Booger out the window into the garden.
The booger started to spread and then it ended up covering Bryan’s house in a brown latex bubble. His property was the first to become the Mega Booger™. It continued to spread for a year until the entire planet was covered in this brown goo.
The weight of the booger wrap (which was eventually sponsored by Tyvek, a subsidiary of DuPont) changed the earth’s position in orbit, like an intensely overweight person on a small airplane whose tail is diving so they have to move the person to the front of the plane. Except it was the whole planet and no one could figure out how to remove the gunky film, which was also causing the atmosphere to be tan coloured in addition to making it difficult to breathe. Not even the genius Elon could figure this out, who happened to be on Mars working on another album with Sven Väth.
As a result of this mismatch of weight and orbit, Earth ended up getting slingshotted through a black hole into another galaxy. The brown film washed off in transit and the earth was now located in a brand new solar system. There were all sorts of friendly planets nearby that liked to have parties and eat ice cream.
Listen to the sounds that were uncovered inside the original Snot Colony:
Four Track Snack Pack
A palate cleanser of sounds for your week ahead.
Agua de Beber - Astrud Gilberto
Cannock Chase - Labi Siffre
I’m Just Here to Ride the Train - Mountain Heart
Mangroves (Contour Edit) - Pyramid Project
A toast to the return of the cosmic bagel…
Elliott “Everything” Fienberg
What did I just read :D (... and heard ... :P)