As I start to write this letter, I am looking at a baby cow’s rear end on a farm about half a kilometre away from Piedra del Peñol, the iconic rock of Guatapé in Colombia.
This little inn named Guadelupe House is fitting, since Guadalupe was the name of the maid that George Constanza irritates to no end when he talks about his preference for tucked or no-tucked sheets in the hotel.
The keeper of this house is one of the first people to give me the silent treatment on practicing my Spanish.
Yesterday I asked a question using around three different strategies to illustrate my point, and after I gave up and moved to Google Translate she replied very quickly, “I understood you the entire time”.
This experience is very typical of AirBNB entrepreneurs who hold places but don’t live nearby them, and then the entire customer experience is left to someone’s discretion if they will help you feel welcome or not.
But the real issue I’m having right now is the coffee that I’m not drinking.
I brought a small bag of boutique roast on this weekend trip that I got in Medellin. That bag was the source of ridicule by a local tour guide and man of mystery named Rafa.
When even the mere idea of the price of that coffee (which was just on par with what it costs in Canada), he laughed and laughed, not even needing to hear the price. That laughter is a snapshot of the difference between Medellin and Bogotà, and how the people in the two cities have a rivalry going on that I can only know as something like Montreal and Toronto.
When I checked into this home, there was no one here but me and Guadelupe. It reminded me of what it would be like to have a full-time nanny in your home: that she seemed to be around cleaning wherever you are at any given moment1.
And so, with no one around, I left my little bag of coffee at the main patio table.
That seemed to be fine until last night, when a father and daughter from Medellin arrived (cue up Film Noire incidental music).
He looked and sounded like someone straight out of Madrid, and I saw he is drying an umbrella out that dawns the CFA logo (a numbers guy).
We said hi briefly but I did notice he was warming up a large container of water. I was on my way out, and the last thing I wanted to do was to go grab my coffee like scared mother.
I forgot about it until I woke up this morning. And when I woke up, there was no sign of my coffee anywhere.
I can’t get into the main kitchen because I am staying in the guesthouse.
I hope you are getting the point now that we can be annoyed about anything. I have nothing to complain about here on a mini bird-sanctuary garden or back home in Toronto. Yet we find a way to get irritated about the smallest things.
I am not supposed to come to Colombia to try one small bag of coffee and drink that all the time.
Sure it’s nice when the small bag of coffee is available at the moment I really want it, but maybe the universe has something else in mind for me.
The best way to drink coffee now is officially Tinto.
That is a mini Americano. Single shot of good coffee, pequẽno agua caliente and your good to go for 10 minutes until the next one.
To make up for the theft of the accountant from Madrid (we will find out soon if this allegation is true), I had to go to a boutique hotel next door called Tao House on the water.
Stunning view of the calm water here at Tao House.
Eggs, artisanal arepa that will always taste like a sock no matter what you do to it, shitty Tinto because shitty coffee brewing can happen anywhere, a large glass of naranja juice. 10% gratuity included and an extra fee for not being a guest.
I felt I really rang up the cash register this time and I am about to wash dishes in the back in order to released. The POS machine shows me the total in Canadian dollars: $26.
I will be able to hang on a little longer until my next Tinto.
This seems to be very common with shared rentals here: A high level of detail to maintaining them as clean and tidy. And the only way for that to effectively happen is for someone to be doing daily maintenance on all the areas. People work very hard here and they are extremely grateful for the cash tips a traveller should offer.